One year ago this week

As I reflect on what I was doing this time last year, I am amazed at journey God has brought me through. The week after Christmas last year, I remember feeling very tired and very taken for granted and wishing that Roane would be forced to do everything I do everyday/all day for at least a week. All I can say is, be careful what you wish/pray for! One year ago yesterday, I received a call from my OB doctor that I had tested positive for preeclampsia and needed to go home immediately, and I quote "lay on your left side and monitor your blood pressure every 3 hrs". It felt like a bomb had gone off that would change my life forever! You may think that sounds a tad bit dramatic, but it really wasn't. It did end up changing me and my world in a lot of different ways.

Obviously, Roane ended up having to do almost everything I normally do in a day. Fix breakfast, get Nathan dressed, take him to school, do laundry, Nathan's bath, etc. You will notice that cooking was not listed there, because our wonderfully amazing & generous church fed us for the entire 4 weeks of my bedrest and probably two weeks after Thomas was born, but Roane definitely appreciates me in a way most men have no clue about! I hope he never has to do that again, and I hope he never forgets what it was like!!!

There were also some lessons that I learned during that time that I knew in my head, but didn't really know until I had to endure it!
I learned that sometimes just being still and unproductive is the best thing you can do.
I learned to be humble and accept help from those around me.
I learned that the world won't fall apart or stop if I am not there to play supermom/wife/agent.
I learned that Roane is far more capable than he ever let on before.
I learned that I took for granted the gift of good health and freedom to do go and do what I want, when I want.
I learned to trust God to give me patience and sanity - moment by moment - every minute that I needed it.

When Thomas was born, I really thought that the challenges and struggles were over. That I could hit "play" on my life, and everything would go back to normal, but it didn't. I struggled with my blood pressure (to the point of a midnight trip to the BMC ER) and then 6 weeks later, my world really fell apart. Bed rest had been nothing compared to the afternoon Mama called to tell me that Daddy had died in his sleep the night before (she had been at my house helping me with Thomas).

It felt like our whole world fell apart in an instant. It is a time when you cry out and say "WHY, GOD!?!?!" Why him, why us, why now??? The next few weeks were the biggest emotional roller coaster you could possibly imagine, but God brought peace and comfort in an amazing way. One of my favorite RUF songs has always been

Isaiah 43

1. When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you,
And the waves will not
Overcome you.
Do not fear,
For I have redeemed you,
I have called you by name,
You are Mine.

Chorus: For I am the Lord your God
(I am the Lord your God),
I am the Lord your God (I am)
The Holy One of Israel
Your Savior
For I am the Lord your God
(I am the Lord your God),
I am the Lord your God (I am)
The Holy One of Israel
Your Savior
I am the Lord (do not fear)
I am the Lord (do not fear)
I am the Lord (do not fear)
I am the Lord (do not fear)

2. When you walk through the fire
You’ll not be burned,
And the flames will not
Consume you.
Do not fear,
For I have redeemed you,
I have called you by name,
You are Mine.
(Repeat chorus)

I don't want to say that I have been in the most difficult, scary situation that I will ever face, but I have felt true fear, and I have felt to the core of my being God's peace. Trust Him.